Friday, July 30, 2004

Essence of Normal

To eat a blog.... I've already erased one beginning entry. I don't want a new start. Just a place that I can be creative. I have been out of the practice of writing for so long that I have almost forgotten what it feels like. I needed a place where my mind can wonder and where I don't have to fear anyone reading about the goings-on of my mind and all of the life delusions mixed in. I've always felt that my imagination was stinted when I was a child. Alone, I would play with my dolls and toys but never make up an imaginary friend because I thought that was too lame, and that I didn't have enough of an imagination to sustain one for very long. I do not have A.D.D. I do believe that when I do something that I can only do it if I am knowledgeable enough in that particular field. For example, I never like to discuss politics or theories only because I don't feel "qualified". Sometimes I feel I won't have an opinion on the issue until it comes to the deciding time. That, and I never like hearing people argue back and forth when it is obvious that neither one knows 100% what they are talking about. I never understood debate because I can always see both sides to a story. There are very few things that I feel passionate about. Funny...I always feel like I am the one within my family who is always made to be the decider (where to eat, what movie to see). Lots of bottled up ambition. Never feel like I have enough training. I stopped watching the news because I would get so upset with the idiot "reporters" and the way the world was being run that I felt I should become a U.N. delegate. Wonderful. Too hopeful. But still, I don't think I ever filled out any applications for internships. I always hold myself back. But for this blog, I will write all. Everything I was ever afraid to write about. future entries you might find snippets of stories/poems/character creations.

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