Wednesday, February 28, 2007

IRRATIONAL FEARS: Or, how the escalator really did try to eat me

So one day when I was about 13 I was at the department store with two lovely ladies. We'd piddled about on the top floor and were headed back downstairs. All of my life I have always been a bit wary of escalators. Getting on and off of them seemed like a skill, and while riding them I felt like I had accomplished something. But most importantly is the approach and the dismount. The approach should not be rushed, nor should it be interrupted for any reason. Sudden movements during any interaction on the escalator should be avoided at all costs. And now I will tell you why....
We made our way towards the escalator and I was the first one on. I made a nice approach and bounded my way on. I was carried down about a step and a half when I hear behind me "Wait a minute!" and a hand reaches out to grab my shoulder and turns me around. At this point I was shocked. SHOCKED! And wondering what could be going on when I plummeted to a bloody confrontation with the escalator monster. And by escalator monster I do mean the one that eats kids. I had turned around and fallen on the escalator as it was going down. Scared and nervous, I tried to keep the escalator monster at bay by running/crawling up the escalator. This did not work, for the faster I went the more bloody my knees became. By the time I was hauled back onto the top floor (and by hauled I mean that the hand that grabbed my shoulder was the same one to grab my shirt and yank me off of the escalator and onto the soft carpeting)(the soft carpeting that added rug burn to my already bloody knees) and to safety. I was shaken. I had just come face to face with the escalator monster and I was thirteen years old! Not three or six, but a freaking teenager! I felt humiliated! I was crying! And the nice sales lady was applying tissues from one end of my body to the other.
Is there a lesson in this? Yes, before you get onto the escalator, wait until the rest of your party is on ahead of you. Or, take the stairs.

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