Feminine Armor & Little Irritations

I wish I could get rid of the feminine armor that I have to wear every day of my life. I don't remember when I first wore it. I assume that every woman I ever met helped me notch it tighter, refit it, added scratches. But I wish their were no need for it. No need for little scorns, subtle looks, or times of emotional lapse. Or emotional heatwaves for that manner. I'm all weathered out. I've learned too much. Dented others armor as much as they have dented mine. It is not self-esteem, or being sociable. You can't be yourself without first thinking of others, their emotions, needs, temperments, attitudes. Because they do judge. They judge with suggestion. Women claim to "help". Offering advice when none is asked for. They need to feel needed, every second. Just to bathe in the overwhelming feeling of being everything to everyone. I don't want to have to say what I mean, or look for a deeper meaning in what is being said to me. I will say what I mean, just like how I was taught in Geometry class. I don't want to dig up past injuries when I look at someone, but at the prospect of something better to come. I want to be left alone. I want to be able to enjoy the company of my friends. It is too much when just hearing little noises from someone offends me. How am I offending them? It's too much to handle. Is being a real woman ignoring all of these atrocities. Now listening to Glycerine by Bush, which is one of my favorite songs ever!!! That was probably the clearest thing I wrote in this post.