Friday, February 25, 2005

Phlegm Chunks!

[To be sung to the tune of "Fish Heads."] "Phlegm Chunks! Phlegm Chunks! Yummy yummy phlegm chunks! Spit them up! Yum!" That is a new song that I made up! Have you ever been sick boys and girls when you would least like to? No? Well, hop to it! Find someone that looks miserable (on the outside, ‘cuz really they are shouting from glee on the inside) and ask them to cough on you or spit on your juice. Better yet! If a relative that lives with you gets sick, then you probably already are! Yay! Let me tell you what you don’t get to do. You don’t get to go to work and make money. ‘Cuz who needs money to live? (Don’t have to worry about cutbacks from social security either, heheh.) You don’t get to go on your weekend trip with a bunch of nifty friends and play silly games, nosiree. Yay!!! Instead, guess what you DO get!!! For starters, a sore throat. Oh, but it only *starts* as a sore throat. At first you might think that it is only a reaction from all of the sugar that you had the night before, but really it’s the beginning of a bacterial infection. Yum! Good times will be had in your very near future. Don’t worry about having to buy food for the next week ‘cuz you won’t have an appetite until right before you chunk it up. So, I’m looking at some porcelain time in about 20 minutes. Scrumptious pork chop dinner that my sick husband made, ha! You will spend most of your time in bed and develop an overly sensitive spot (to go along with your overly sensitive skin) and although you do need your rest, you would rather sit up against some pillows and get a neck cramp for the rest of the night while watching crappy tv b/c for some reason Cartoon Network decided not to make you feel better by not showing a Venture Brothers marathon. Grrr. To go along with your sore throat, overly sensitive skin, and weak headness you will also have a stiff neck from sinuses, fever, and (the best part :thumbs up: oh yeah) is the chills and hot flashes. You might try to wedge yourself between a hot water bottle and the other warm body in the house only to sweat them out of bed while you are lying there shivering. The next morning (we are only on day three now) you stumble to the phone, call in sick, then wait for your doctor’s office to open so you can humbly request that you be seen by a licenced professional who will wave their diploma before you and heap joyous amounts of good health upon you. Score! You got an appointment and it only took an hour and a half of waiting! After a quick blood sample and some sympathetic listening you learn that you have a "bacterial infection". Yummy. And you get medicine! Yay!!! Once home, with a dose of medicine and some "real food" in your tummy, you drift off to sleep. When you wake up, a hacking cough seems to consume you. And just when you think that there is nothing to stop it...are you ready?...can you feel it?....it’s PHLEGM!!! Heaps of it had been storing up in your stomach for the last few days due to that nasty sore throat. Now, it’s time to get rid of it. It will take about a day of gulping down water and running to the toilet when you *think* your flesh toned, wiggly, juicy little friends are wanting to make their appearance. But, they like to play tricks on you. So, why not leave a book and a pillow by the toilet just in case! ;) By the next day, your chills, sensitive skin, nasea, neck cramp and fever are gone. But, you still have: sore throat, hot flashes, sore head, phlegm, stiff neck, hacking cough and now...SINUS PRESSURE!!! Yes, the pollinated air outside has decided to rehash what you went through two weeks ago. Remember that piercing headache between your eyes? The mounds of pressure on either side of your nose? Well, in case you had forgotten, let’s stroll down memory lane! Surely because you are already ill, a few more symptoms won’t mean anything. According to the doctor, you still have a MINIMUM of two glorious days of this left. Enjoy! **This message brought to you by Col who is attempting to feel better and get back to normal. Thank you to my friend who borrowed his game Pirates to me. It kept me sane during the first long day.**

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