Tales from a Haunted House Ghoul

The best Halloween experiences I've had involved working at Haunted Houses. I've worked at thwo houses and one trail.

The first house I worked at last about two years and it was a HUGE money maker. But that's only because we were the bomb. It took place in an old rectary. Need I say more? How 'bout just a little? Out front we had the tragically classic fake cemetary with Halloween sounds of horror blasting out of the windows. You would walk into an old chapel and sit in the pews while a reaper-esque preacher warned you about the creatures in the house. Behind you, up above in the choir loft was the organ player. Once out of the chapel you went thru various rooms, and up and down staircases. The first staircase you came too was lurked by Freddy. The best time was when two girls, clutching at each other, nervously walked up the case. As soon as they walked by the huge window, the drapes were thrown back and theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Freddy! The strobe light made an awesome effect. Now, into the exorcists bedroom we go, followed by a knife scene in the bathroom ( a la Norman Bates ). The last, and the best part, of this house was the last staircase. Instead of running down it, shrieking to get away from the Wolfman (a guy in a mask who had the stones to leap and hang from the old railings) as you SLID DOWN THE SLIDE!!! Yes, we transformed the staircase into a slide. I have yet to see it's equal. I think one of the best aspects of it was that it made you go thru in very small groups and you couldn't just run through it. It lasted for two years, but it should have been ten!

The next phase in my haunting career was working a haunted house that occupied a building, whose upstairs was condemned. I think it had something to do with the actual bats that had taken residence. Anyway, I'm the type of person that loves to play the crowd. Instead of taking a spot in the last room with the rest of my fellow haunters, I HAD to roam. And scare people just when they thought it was safe. Sadly, it almost got me kicked in the head. See, the thing is, after a person gets chased out of a room with a chain saw and gets out into normal lighting, the last thing that they want is a person leaping out from under the stairs yelling 'boo'! At the scariest times, I have discovered that cheese is best. One gal liked to run out screaming at the top of her lungs past all of the people waiting in line. 'Cuz you gotta give the people a show, as well as rope new customers in ;) One of my favorite times for this house was when they let me lead the groups into the first room. Why? Because I got to play on a staircase. Yes, yes...I had to pull a Magenta. (Laying across the banister, and with a deep voice saying "I'm lucky, he's lucky, we're all lucky!") Hey, it got repeat business....

Lastly, I got to help make and then run a Spook Trail. It was for a younger crowd. But...I got to freak them out at the start of the trail. It's best when one is dressed in everyday garb to use a prop. Mine was a book with 'Menu' written on the cover. I'd ask for names and check off that all courses were ready to be served. Of course, with haunted houses comes your typical fair of clientelle. The happy-go-lucky kind who think it's all fun and games. These tend to laugh when going thru a house. The chicken, typically you will never see their face but you will hear them scream from their own shadow. The realist, who likes to capitalize on proving to everyone how 'lame' the haunted house is. That leads me to the smartass. From the start the smartass always has an answer for everything, and the smartass...I left for the 'beverage' section of the menu. Some weren't sure what a beverage was. I had one group though...that was adorable, most of which were so small that they were being held by their parents. After I gave my speil, I noticed that some were especially scared so I told them that if they held onto their parents tightly that nothing would happen. Several parents 'eeped' at the strength of their kids.

Now...I have been without a haunted house for some time. A ghost without a home is a sad thing. Maybe I should find a pumpkin patch and just stand in it.